Still in the game.

It seems like it has been forever since I posted last, but it really hasn't.  I haven't been in the mood to go on and on about things, so, I'm just stopping in for a quick up date, and then I'm going to ignore it until I have some certain news.

The house passed the termite and inspection without any surprises.  And now we're in the dreaded wait for the bank to get around to telling us know.  It makes me so nervous to talk about it that I'm going to end here until I get some news.

I feel like my whole life is in limbo right now.  I'm just waiting for the cool breath of fresh air that will let me know that I can stop holding my breath.  I'm so tired and I just want a place of my own.

om...........................................................

Feeling Better

So, last night I was feeling down due to this whole house thing and I still am.  Therefore I'm not going to talk about it.  Instead I'm going to go on and on about what excites me and hope that it gets my day off to a good start. 

First off, my CJ Bloomer.  Yep!  Last night he showed me one of the most beautiful drawings I have ever seen.  It just had "IT."  I'm hoping that this will be the start of a new era in our world and the illustration world.  There isn't enough people that truly appreciate the talent and skill it takes to be able to render an idea so skillfully AND be a great artist. However, I pride myself with being someone who truly enjoys the work of real, skilled artists.  So much so, that I found the best one, supported his potential, and married the man.  You may think me bias.  Well, on top of me not caring and the fact that your wrong, CJ Bloomer is a dyeing breed that deserves support.  Someone who has a wonderful imagination and an uncanny skill to put that thought on paper with such success that you wish it was real or, even better, think it may be. 

So much of this crap on and in books today is lacking the old magic of a paintbrush, fountain pen, and imagination.  All that matters is that as many can be printed as possible and the greatest profit made.  That vice flows all the way down; writer, illustrator, publisher, and reader.  What ever happened to the book you read over and over, cherished the workmanship of the binding, and stared at the pictures like if you did it long enough you would fall into them?  That was the world of The Great illustrators;  Arthur Rackham, Edmond Dulac, and the like.  That should be the world of CJ Bloomer, but I haven't found that there are many that hold such things as I do.  This may sound like a sad thing that I said I was going to avoid, but worry not friends.  There is lots of hope.  For as long as I have a breath left in me, I will support my artist, until the whole world wises up and realizes what is important.  If that day never comes, there is no waste, because I'm sure there is a special allotment of good karma just for people who support "God's gift's."  That is enough for me.   

Not going to give up

We visited 6 houses last weekend over 3 days and came up with one BIG maybe house in downtown Somerset.  Not exactly out place in the country, but if we can find somewhere and do a flip then we might come up with enough to find a place that isn't just a house staring at everyone else's land.  I've waited 26 years and I can wait another 10 or so to realize a dream.  It's worth it.

Sunday we have 2 more on our list and are going to take another look at the Maybe house.  I'm struggling to stay hopeful, but sometimes its really hard.  My mother isn't helping me any and loves to call late at night and suggest things that makes me feel like a complete failure.  She doesn't mean to, I know she's just trying to help, but it really hurts to hear her desperate suggestions like I'm incapable of doing what is best for my family.  It really gets me down especially after a long day of doing all I can for the whole situation.

And my poor CJ.  Sunday is his birthday and he says the only thing he wants is to not remember it.  That's sad, but I know where he is coming from.  Every single March 28 you can bet everything you have that we will have very little.  It all ways has fallen between jobs, after a huge bill, or something that guarantees that we will not be able to do anything more fun than eat a cake my G-ma fixes.  I wish I could make it better, but there is nothing I can do and now I have been denied the enjoyment of at least telling him "happy birthday" as he wakes up.  It makes me sad.  Actually, everything makes me sad right now.

I'm not going to give up, I refuse to, but sometimes things just get me down more than I wish they would.  That's the way things are and I know it will get better.  I hope the Gods are saving up all the luck I'm wanting for something really big and beautiful that will make us happy for a long time.  I have faith it's true...that's what is keeping me going.

but not yet....

It's true that I haven't posted in a while, mainly because I have been doing nothing but waiting for the bank to tell me if I could have the house we wanted.  Yesterday, the call came that the house was "unmarketable" and that no one would have given a fixed rate mortgage on this house.  It's just too weird (with a barn attached) and too far out there to resale quickly.  Sure, I was upset at everything and cried on and off for a couple hours afterward, but we have pulled our selves up by the boot straps and have already moved forward. 

Sunday we are going to look at two more houses, both about $15,000 over where I would really like to be, but I'm hoping we will be able to find a house that will actually pass the underwriting of the bank and wont need so much work.  The other house would have needed ALOT of work and the foundation was a little iffy, but I don't want to dwell on it.  I'll just keep telling myself it wasn't "our" house and that I wouldn't have wanted a house that I couldn't sell. 

So now we're back where we started, well, not quite.  I'm still approved for a loan and all I have to do is find a house that the bank wants to invest in.  Sounds way easier then it is.  So, I'm back on this roller coaster and hopeful that the second time around is more successful.  I'm still full of faith that I'm on the road I need to be on and with a little guidance, we'll soon be Ok.

Inching ever closer.

Now, we wait.  Sunday we decided that we should go and see the house one more time to get some answers about the foundation.  Everything checked out fine so we signed the first set of "no-return" paperwork accepting the house as is.  I know that there is some work that needs to be done, but I would rather sink my money into fixing it right myself than having some woman in Fl, who doesn't care anymore, botching the job. 

We have finished all the bank paperwork, up to this point, and payed for the bank inspection.  This is a double-edged sword for me.  On one hand, if he appraises the house for lower than we are willing to pay then the bank wont loan us the money and if the owner wont lower the price, then there is no way we can have this house.  On the other hand, if it is appraised lower and she does decide to work with us then we might be able to get it cheaper.  I know that I should be hoping for a lower appraisal so we might be able to save money, but I don't.  All I want is to move in, to have a home of my own out of this horrible city.

It seems like we have been at this for a very long time and my family seems to think that it should be going faster.  I sure wish it was, but the reality is that since this whole economic hoop-la happened everyone has to be more careful with dept and lending.  It isn't like in my grandma's day, it isn't even anything like last year, it takes a lot longer to dot "i's" and cross "t's."  I feel like the waiting and wondering of what is going to happen is going to drive me nuts.  I am going to have to wait 5-10 business days to see if some stranger is going to allow me to follow the path I want to or not.  Frankly, that sucks. 

On a more positive note, we spent a little time on the Rockcastle River Sunday.  It would be a dream come true to have the Danial Boon National Forest as my back yarn with such a beautiful river flowing only 2 miles away.  Since they have drained Cumberland Lake for dam repairs the river is lower and faster then it normally would be.  The huge boulders on ether bank with the evidence of water movement etched on the rocks and the clearest, greenest water I have ever seen in my life.  Its really like a beautiful dream.

Let's all hope for the best.  I want to start weaving again and I can't wait to get my hands dirty. 

The Merry-Go-Round

You know when you've been on a Merry-Go-Round, your coming to the end, and it starts to slow down.  The ponies are still floating up and down, but now its slower.....and slower....and....slower and it starts to feel like it just will keep getting slower and never actually stop.  That is what I feel like.  I have so much wonderful hope for the near future, hope that our lives will change for the better and we'll start down that road that we want to be on.  I get excited thinking of improvements that we can make to the house and land, thinks we can get that we have always dreamed of, and all the little details that we never even dared to think about until now.  It's so close, so very very close, but I feel like it will never actually ever become "now."  Maybe its a dream and the cat will wake me up as soon as I get to the good part.  Ugh.  I just want to quit planning and wishing and dreaming, I want to DO, I want to LIVE. 

I know, I'll just have to wait a little longer, but its so close I can Feel it, but I just can't touch it yet.

Price of Tea Issue #3

Just a quick note to everyone that you can finally have your very own issue of The Price of Tea #3 hot off the presses.  Just follow the link above and see a sample of each and order all the issues you have yet to get.  Enjoy!

Publications all around!

A few weeks ago I wrote an essay about my values and was honored to have it published in today's newspaper. I'm kind of shy about it (which is a rare thing) since this whole thing is a little overwhelming for me. I'm not big on attention, but this was an important subject and it was easy to write since it was all from the heart. For all you un-local friends, you can find my essay here.  There is even a HUGE picture of me, much bigger than I would have wanted.  I don't even like mirrors and pictures are even weirder.  It's out there and its all me.  ;-)

I got to see the final proof of the issue 3 of TPOT last night.  Wow!  CJ did such an awesome job on the artwork and set up of the whole book.  He really has an uncanny natural eye for layout even before it's in the layout stage and it really shows in the final stages of production.  Everything flows so well and ever picture conveys not only the story, but the feeling of the seen.  There isn't a whole lot of "POWS" and "BAMS" in TPOT, so the feeling are more of an undercurrent of tension.  How he manages to do it, I don't know, but that's what he's the artist and I'm just the lucky person to get to enjoy it. 

Just a quick last note. We have our eye on loom number 4 right now. (I know! We're crazy! Looking at looms while we try to buy a house!) Can't believe how these things get me to voluntarily surrender my home, money, and time, but there all just so wonderful and 60" means I could start making actual bolts of hand woven material just like I've always wanted. EEEEEE! It makes me gitty!

Hang in there, friends, spring is coming. Be good and be careful.

I feel like I'm on a slide.

First, I get to make the happy announcement that we have been accepted the Kentucky Guild of Artists and Craftsmen!  Yay!  This is a good thing, but I have to say that the fact that we have been planning so long for the end that it has really dampened the enthusiasm of the whole event.  Especially in comparison to the fact that yesterday we have excepted a counter offer on a place in Pulaski Co!  It's perfect and I haven't even seen it yet...(gasp!) :-)

The past two weeks have been so completely crazy that really my whole world has changed.  I'm not sure what the future holds for us, but I have faith that we will be safer and happier even if we are poorer.  I don't want to say too much, because I'm a believer in jinxing, but as soon as something final happens I'll be sure to let the world know.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  We'll take any positive energy everyone can toss at us.

The soapbox.

We went all over Pulaski Co, and even into Casey Co., Monday looking at houses.  We might have found one!  I don't want to say too much because I don't want to get my hopes up since we haven't gotten anything official from the bank saying the house is mortgageable, but as soon as we do (if we do) I'll have pictures and will spill my guts about how excited I am. 

For everything else, once more, we are in limbo.  Sometime this week we should get the "yay" or "nay" from the Kentucky Guild of Artists and Craftsmen.  We picked up our goodies on Monday, but they couldn't tell us anything.  I think that's silly, but it's their rules and there is nothing I can do about it.  I would just like to know, but it seems that the lesson I need to learn from this part of my life is patience, because I do an awful lot of waiting recently.

On the TPOT side of things we are waiting for the printers too.  I'm excited to see Issue 3 in print.  Our first Trade Paper Back isn't that far off and that is very exciting.  We are planning to even add some unseen "issues" into the TPB that will not be in the single issue form, at least in this first edition indy printing.  In the end we are looking at having three TPB, but I can't believe that we are almost 1/3 finished with TPOT.  I mean, it seems like just yesterday that it was a single issue idea about a girl, a dragon, and a bunch of demons holding up the tea shipment.  Almost 8 years and a research trip to Japan later, its really developed into something learned and deep.  I'm proud of my baby, but they grow up so fast. 

This past week we had a self-assignment to try and find some grants or programs that would help our artistic endeavors.  We did find a few, but nothing super promising.  What I did find out is that sexism is still alive and well.  Not for me, there is a lot of opportunities for artistic girls.  I feel so sad for my CJ, though.  How many things did I run across that were set aside for women only; grants, programs, scholarships, and even paying jobs!  Sexism should not be allowed on any side.  How many people would be all over something that said, "for men only,"  so why is "for women only" acceptable and even held up as a higher standard?  Just because you have breasts and a vagina does not mean that you hold some deeper understanding of the artistic expression and certainly doesn't make you instantly a better artist.  No one should be passed over for any reason; sex, religion, political choice and I certainly don't think you should be chosen just because you are a certain way.  Equality for everyone does not mean special treatment for certain groups, that just puts us right where we were before.  People who do this should be ashamed.  Maybe this will make me unpopular in my field, but I'll stand up for the strong men I know who can't work hard enough to over come what God gave others.  I love my male artist. 

No, its not over yet....

I woke up this morning with a job just calling to tell me that if they don't find anyone this week then they will call me next week.  Who does that?  I love being told that I'm someones last resort.  So, needless to say I was super depressed this morning thinking what a loser I was and that I would never get out of this ghetto city.  I was so lost I even started to fill out an application for the PeaceCorps. (Not that there is anything wrong with the PeaceCorps, its just not on the path going where I want to go.)  By noon I was totally down for the count.

Then I got a call from the local news paper saying that an essay I wrote about my "values" had been selected for publication and they wanted to set up a photo shoot.  I was floored; more by the photo shoot then the published essay.  I've never had a photo shoot before, what does one wear?! This was a boost to my down mood.

Then, I found a really cool job to apply for.  It's a HUGE long shot, but would be way awesome to do and it pays very well.  Getting this would mean that I could have that farm I always wanted.  It will never happen if I don't try, so I'm going to apply in the morning.

 And then.... I found out that TPOT qualifies for an entry in the Eisner Awards!  Just having TPOT in their hands would be a big plus, but if we could actually WIN and Eisner Award for TPOT it would be a dream come true and a big break for CJ and I, as a team and as individuals.  You want to know a secret.... I really love writing comic books.  If I only had time to retreat into my "happy place," find a nice soft and warm place in my house, and not worry about bad people, I think that I could write way more than I do.  Everything is so wrong right now and it takes so much out of me to be a good adult, that I just can't.  Perhaps very soon, though, and until then I will lift CJ and TPOT as high as I can and hope they will take me with them.  

Oh, and if there is anyone out there that has anything to do with the Inkpot Awards you should see this.  CJ Bloomer is THE best inker I know and deserves way more recognition then his modesty has gotten him.  I love this inking he did yesterday, so I stole it, and am now showing it off.  It has so much feeling and depth of emotion mixed with action that it really feels like your there.  

We will hear from the Kentucky Guild of Artist and Craftman next week.  I'm hoping for some more good news.

So, things aren't over yet just because some losers woke me up with bad news.  I'm still here, still highly skilled, and everything is still moving forward.  

Here's to everlasting hope! 

Do I actually see light?

This past week has seen a lot of change for my family, starting with the fact that BOTH my cars were broken into.  I wont go into details because I try never to focus on bad things (I think it calls them back to you), but it has spurred me and my extended family into action to get us out of the city once and for all.  I'm not sure what the future holds for us except that I'm going home to Pulaski County, Kentucky; finally.  I refuse to give up everything I have worked for, but I'm not going to risk that the 6th crime against us will cause physical harm.  This place is getting rougher and I'm just getting sadder, so I believe its time to leave Lexington.  I thought this for quite a while, but my extended family has really pushed me to stay, until now that is.  I'm looking for a job so I can have a little "start up" money when I get there and as soon as I find one the next two weeks will be dedicated to moving.  I'm scared of changes, but I think this is for the best and I can't say that there is much to miss up here.

On a even better note, TPOT issue three went to the printers this morning.  We'll be ordering our copies in a week and so can you.  I'll add the link as soon as I have it.  It looks so nice, a little nontraditional, but it should be a lot of fun.  As soon as CJ gets back from paying the rent I'm hoping to get to work on Issue #4.  The story is done, but layout and details of dialogue is next.  I think this is one of the hardest parts, because CJ and I have an equal hand in its production which often leads to some heated debates.  We have such different styles, but I think it makes TPOT balanced and therefore worth all the trouble.

And then there is weaving.  Today we took a trip to our old home of 4 years, Berea, to drop off all our goodies for the judging of the Kentucky Guild of Artists and Craftsmen.  Five weaving items and five skeins of yarn.  Here's crossing our fingers that they have good taste!  ;-) 

Be careful out there, its getting rough.

It's beautifully foggy....

I don't want to go on and on about how I hate the city; nor that I long for a farm to support my family with; nor how I my skin craves the feel of good Kentucky soil.  I wont go on and on, but I will state it and hope the universe hears my plea.  The fog makes it hard to see the reality that my barn and fields aren't just beyond what I can see, no, its just a car lot.....

Suck it up, Ms. Bray, we have things to do.  So, on to my blog. 

Thanks to the idea of "free comic day" and the fact I have a new great idea,  Arnessa has gained a new wind and I have been doing my homework.  I wont give away my secret just yet, but I will hint that the new Arnessa will not only entertain, but teach many things that my family holds near to their heart. This is a good thing.  And, if I'm lucky I can get CJ to agree to do a promo issue that will be a comic for "free comic day"  when ever it is.  Yay!  Going to get back to my research.  Be careful out there.

Comics make One busy.....

Shew!  When I weave it is a peaceful experience.  Beautiful colors, senses-tingling textures, and the lullaby of the working loom.  I had been engrossed in that world all last year that I had forgotten how hectic and crazy the other half of my world could be.

After setting up in Artist's Alley last year at Dragon Con there was a real question if art and comics was a viable option for our family.  CJ and I decided that it was time to try a new rout for a while and that is when our weaving business got started.  That had been going well for a while, all year in fact, but I have been noticing a swing back toward the comic book and a downward flow to the weaving.  I don't mind, I love doing both, and this keeps everything fresh and new for me.

Being a comic book creator on the side has really stirred things up in the house.  Working on the comic as close as I do with CJ does lead to some fights and stepped-on-toes. We work and learn differently and that can lead to a violent explosion of the creative development.  It's ok, nothing too horrid, but comic work takes tons more logistic work than weaving.  Traveling, art supplies, orders coming in and going out, all while the artist wants to draw and I want to revise something.  It's enough to drive anyone crazy. 

So?  How is the comic book going?  I have never been happier with it.  It's as if someone has breathed new life into it and everyone is suddenly standing to notice it.  For the past few day we have done nothing but eat out and talk about the up-coming issues of TPOT.  We have up to issue 6 fairly planed out and with issue 3 being finished today or tomorrow, I'm looking forward to having it in-hand by mid-February.  Maybe it helps that I'm trying not to be so shy about what I do or perhaps it really is as simple as being on Facebook now.  What ever it is, I'm really hoping that this year means good things for both of us.   Things are just not worth doing without my Nyd.
If you really want to keep up with all the developments be sure to "Fan"  Nydwyn Green Dragon Studio ( CJ Bloomer's studio) on Facebook.  He updates a whole lot and he has all the ways you can find TPOT. 

A new year, but not much more

So, the holiday has come and gone safely by for me and my family.  The most exciting thing I did was put puzzles together with my Grandmother and arguing with my mother about the cost vs. benefit of organic foods.

We should be getting in some 10 issues each of the first two Price of Tea comics so Collectibles Inc can put them on the shelves.  Issue 3 is in the drawing stage, but it is going too slow for my taste.  If I can have it printed and on order before the end of January it will be a good sign and I'll be one happy lady.

On the Arnessa side of things it has slowed down.  I hate to admit that I have had a creative fart and although last week I did have an idea that will help the story, I haven't had the energy nor the lack-of-distraction to change my well written synopsis and do the script.  It has changed into more of a full trade paperback instead of an issue comic, but I'm trying to keep it with the ability to be ether.  Just the idea of doing all of it a seems a little over whelming.  However, writing about it here seems to put it back into proportion and maybe I'll be brave and work on it later.  I have some research to do right now, so I'll touch on weaving and then get to work.

Weaving has a touch of positive movement.  Next week we will send in our application to the Kentucky Guild of Artists and Craftsman and the following week give them five samples of our weaving and five of my spinning.  I'm nervous about my spinning.  Of all the things I have done in my life, spinning is the one thing that only I have wanted me to excel at and taught myself.  It shouldn't, but it is hard to be judged on stuff like that, I'll take it to heart.  However, if it will help us to look better and move us closer to getting an artist-in-residence or just doing this full-time, I'll take any risk I need to.

Now, to work.