Not going to give up

We visited 6 houses last weekend over 3 days and came up with one BIG maybe house in downtown Somerset.  Not exactly out place in the country, but if we can find somewhere and do a flip then we might come up with enough to find a place that isn't just a house staring at everyone else's land.  I've waited 26 years and I can wait another 10 or so to realize a dream.  It's worth it.

Sunday we have 2 more on our list and are going to take another look at the Maybe house.  I'm struggling to stay hopeful, but sometimes its really hard.  My mother isn't helping me any and loves to call late at night and suggest things that makes me feel like a complete failure.  She doesn't mean to, I know she's just trying to help, but it really hurts to hear her desperate suggestions like I'm incapable of doing what is best for my family.  It really gets me down especially after a long day of doing all I can for the whole situation.

And my poor CJ.  Sunday is his birthday and he says the only thing he wants is to not remember it.  That's sad, but I know where he is coming from.  Every single March 28 you can bet everything you have that we will have very little.  It all ways has fallen between jobs, after a huge bill, or something that guarantees that we will not be able to do anything more fun than eat a cake my G-ma fixes.  I wish I could make it better, but there is nothing I can do and now I have been denied the enjoyment of at least telling him "happy birthday" as he wakes up.  It makes me sad.  Actually, everything makes me sad right now.

I'm not going to give up, I refuse to, but sometimes things just get me down more than I wish they would.  That's the way things are and I know it will get better.  I hope the Gods are saving up all the luck I'm wanting for something really big and beautiful that will make us happy for a long time.  I have faith it's true...that's what is keeping me going.